No matter how badly you want it, you can’t have someone else’s success, but you can definitely make your own success.

Supposedly, if you’re a gay guy and don’t wish to conform to the gender role of a typical guy then public security checks can be an issue for you.

For me, I don’t identify as either gender, which means I’m somewhere in the middle. This is a trouble-zone to be in which creates problems in the way our society works. It’s a flaw in the way we think of each other.

What I did wrong (?) was that my outer appearance was close to feminine but not completely female either. I was dressed in tight denim three-fourth pants. Apparently, androgynous clothing or behaviour may deem you unfit to be clubbed with the other ‘guys’. This applies to all those situations where a public distinction between gender is required for instance public washrooms or public queues.

Yesterday the Security Guard at the Central Secretariat Metro Station refused to frisk me and insisted I get checked with ladies instead who had a separate queue to their name. Now this is strange because I feel a guy has the right to wear make-up and women’s clothing in public.

In another instance, a few months ago I was standing at the Security Check for females at Select Citywalk Mall in Saket and the female attendant there insisted I get checked with the males. It’s enough to confuse the likes of someone already puzzled with their gender identity and an even more queer social setup.

My solution is to have one queue for everyone, irrespective of gender identity or sexual orientation. We should have common washrooms with separate and closed compartments for anyone who wishes to use it, just like the way private washrooms function – they’re meant for anyone who wishes to use it.

Every cloud has a silver lining, so does this one. I have both good news and bad news. First the bad news – My application for department change was rejected which means they won’t teach me to make clothes for these three years. Now the good news – I feel I might stand a chance in AD after all. When you look back in time, it was my interest in glassware, designer showpieces and lighting fixtures that prompted me to take up AD in the first place.

Being true to myself I feel that I don’t want to make women look prettier. I don’t think making wearable clothing will make for an interesting life. It is the kind of clothing that most people can’t wear that interests me…and just how many fashion shows am I going to be a part of? Maybe one or two – that’s it, so why bother living with the false hope that you will make it big in fashion when the truth is that very few can do that.

For now I’m content with AD. It may not have all the jazz of a high-fashion glamour career but it promises exposure to crafts like no other. At least my three years won’t go waste…and what I’ll do for the rest of my life I don’t know, I can still learn garments after my degree if need arise (trust me it won’t).